Saturday, December 27, 2008

where's the beef?

i'm paranoidaly overanylizing....stop me please.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

so this is christmas?

i'm at work, mostly sleeping...and doing quizes, alone in silence. ho ho ho.
You Are Scissors
Sharp and brilliant, you can solve almost any problem with that big brain of yours.
People fear your cutting comments - and your wit is famous for being both funny and cruel.
Deep down, you tend to be in the middle of an emotional storm. Your own complexity disturbs you.
You are too smart for your own good. Slow down a little - or you're likely to hurt yourself.

You can cut a paper person down to pieces.

The only person who can ruin you is a rock person.

When you fight: You find your enemy's weak point and exploit it.

If someone makes you mad: You'll do everything you can to destroy their life
Your Power Color Is Lime Green
At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"
Your Cute Monster Says Your Inner Demon is Sorrow
You're the type of person who stands out in a crowd, even when you're trying to blend in.
You are honest in your character and appearance. You don't pretend to be someone else.

You tend to get depressed easily.
People think you're cute because you're rebellious. Your uniqueness is charming.

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant-Garde
You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.
Your Cupcake Says You Are Your Own Biggest Fan
At parties, you tend to be hyper and a bit out of control. It's hard for you to temper your enthusiasm!

You have a fair amount of restraint in your life, but you don't go overboard. You let yourself enjoy life.

The most important thing in your life is love.

You are dominant, vain, and a bit of a show off. To know you is to worship you.

Cheese Pizza
Traditional and comforting.
You focus on living a quality life.
You're not easily impressed with novelty.
Yet, you easily impress others.

You Are Hesitant in Love
You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

You Are the Guru
You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.
You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.

You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.
You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.

You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.
Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.

Friday, December 19, 2008

peanut butter jelly time

You Are a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
You life your life in a free form, artistic style.
You are incredibly creative and at times, quite messy.
Deep down, you are a kid at heart. And you aren't afraid to express it.

Your best friend: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Club Sandwich

random, the way you like it

bored at work, but glad i'm here.
there are few things in life sweeter than a fresh razor to the skin. which part? i aint telling, but it's so nice to have it baby's ass smooth!
cosmo can't tell me shit, their man-manual-malarky does not apply here...i got it covered. aint shit them bitches know that i don't. word.
my nails are so long and pretty, hate on them, go head, you know you want to.
speaking of haters, i gotta burn down mustang grill. i'm so sick of that place. fucking whoretopia.
my throat hurts...physicly and emotionally. i don't care to explain that to you, you'll just have to accept it.
wisdom teeth should be renamed paincausing devil molar. i don't need them! i'm as wise as i'll ever want to be, thanks!!!
why is it that when guys like me they turn into girls? why can't anyone court me like a man? i mean, it doesn't matter cuz i'm completely unavailable and disinterested but still, why do they all turn into giggling morons around me?? what the fuck am i doing to them?? thank god i got a man. oh, and lesbians; so persistant; why??? me likey penis okay!!! jeez louise!!!
people who bathe in their colonge/perfume and force me to choke on their stink when they're around should all be sentanced to death by their own crappy smell.
models gross me out more than smokers do.
white girls are a plague upon mankind. down with whitey.
i'm fucking hungry right now.
i have the most awesome boyfriend in the universe. yes, the whole universe, go check.
i'm somewhat more impressed by ingestable gold than the decorative sort.
in a perfect world, i'd be naked all the time, and all i'd do all day is eat, drink, and fuck.
i want a shirt that says "no." just "no." no decoration or clever bullshit to distract you from the statement. just "no" not in caps, not italic, no special font, or punctuation...just "no."
i've been desperately in the mood for something in particular for a month now, my bf knows what it is and is the only one who can give it to me and in being deprived of it for so long i fear i may just resort to the commitance of violent sexual assult (upon him of course) and honestly, now that i really think about it, that may have been his plan all the long... that wiley little fox!
is it spring yet?
this is bad, you see boredem makes me one or both of two things: hungry or horny... i was both of those things already. i'm reaching critical mass. danger. danger. sound the alarm.
got milk? well do ya?

Thursday, December 18, 2008


i wasn't sure at one point.

i asked someone who knew, who was...

this was before i said it, when i was wondering if i should.

i knew i was, in my heart i knew but i'm a cerebrally governed individual, i needed logical confirmation.

so i asked someone who knew, who was...

he said to imagine everyone in your life was gone.

everyone who you are comfortable with, friends, family, co-workers...


and you had no one else but this person...

would you be okay?

would they be enough?

could you be happy with just that person?

could you be happy and fulfilled and comfortable and okay with just that one person and no one else?

quietly, to myself, i said yes then; tenatively and somewhat unsure.

it's a lot to trust unto just one person.

i couldn't imagine trusting myself totally to anyone.

but it sounded about right.

his potential shined through to me.

i could almost see it then.

but i couldn't say it out loud.

the fear of depending on someone was too strong in me.

today i realized, now that i feel my mother and i growing apart...

my sister growing up...

my friends ever distant

i found tonight how quickly it stops to matter when i'm with him

acid rain could fall around me

the world could melt and die

all and everythign gone to hell

and it wouldn't matter

i wouldn't care

as long as i'm with him

i'm okay

he's more than enough

and i'm happy!

so it's true then...

i mean i knew

but now...

no question






Saturday, December 13, 2008

mad love

if ever a girl was on cloud nine it's me.
lots of shit in my life still need working out but it's crazy the way being loved, really loved, makes up for it all. scary too cuz sometimes i fear becoming comfortable...dependant... and yes the concept of being able to depend on someone is strange and frightening to me... it's so weird to have someone who isn't going to abandon me at the drop of a dime. who patiently works thru my difficult moods, who listens, who actually gives a shit how i feel, who's supportive, who comprimises with me... really? there are men like this? i had no idea.
i remember being 14, writing in my journal that happiness is a lie. at 16 i was conviced the world was a sess-pool of shit; filled with selfish evil people. a sick sad 19 i stopped giving a shit, i was too drunk to care... i would have never guessed i could feel like this. so genuinely happy and fulfilled. it's beautiful...and terrifying. i don't know what i would do if i lost him. i love him so fucking much.
if you're wondering, this isn't an out of nowhere kinda thought. i've been agonizing about his b-day plans (pretty much gave up on him something nice, i'll get him some other cute little mets things, but beyond that i'm saving for his b-day) i was just on the phone with a hotel agency to book the perfect room i can't afford... the idea of ending the day with him by my side seems like heaven to me. ((i'm so in love))
he means the whole world, sun, moon and stars to me.
dare i say he's the best thing to ever happen to me? mmm hmmm.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

bulimia of the brain, enjoy the the thought-vomit

i fucking hate foriegners
also, why do people insist on asking me a hundred questions as if i don't have a million other phone calls to take ? if i tell you the information's in the email, you read that fucking email goddamn you!!!
and Eli Manning, watch your ass, i'm gettin that jersey if i have to jump you for it...sleep with one eye open mister quarter back man...have nightmares about a tiny puerto rican girl hogtieing you and dragging you into a dark secluded area, stealing your clothes and forcing you at knife point(as per the tradition of my people) to sign countness giants memrobilia to "Luis"(...and a couple to "Santiago" why the fuck not) shudder at the thought of me Manning, quiver at the very utterance of my name...for if i cannot buy the jersey off, so help me god i will take it by force!!!!
i don't know what else to buy my boyfriend...and that makes me feel like a crap girlfriend. i should know what my man likes. boo to me. boo.
i'm still on the fence on buying my mother anything cuz she's a fucking bitchmonster from the plant nag...i might still try to get her the earrings simply because im not a heartless cunt...but i aint puttin too much effort into her gift. my bf and my sis are my only real holiday concerns.
i want this mtv thing to be over already, i've even stopped caring how it will come's all bullshit, they fucking tell you what to say!!! and it all gets edited and changed around...bleh. boo to mtv as well. boo boo boo.
i hate working for hourly's easier than the hussle of waiting and bartending but i'm so dependant on nightly cash in hand that waiting on a payday just doesn't work for me anymore and schedule changes are like murder to me!!! ug!
i'm fucking hungry...grumble

Saturday, November 29, 2008


he said it.
thanksgiving night.
i could go on to tell you the details but those are for him and i to savor in the privacy of our own euphoric love ramblings.
i'm so fucking happy. i was happy before, happy just to have him, but it's just so fufilling to know im not alone anymore. he loves me! i am loved.
i am loved.
i am loved.
i am loved.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

how i feel; better said:

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."- Pablo Neruda

"lovers don't finally meet somewhere. they're in each other all along." -Rumi

Thursday, November 20, 2008

chamomile contemplation

a friend of mine just told me that at first meeting i come off arrogant, she thinks thats why i havent been hired. well fuck that right in the ear.

i'm bored. and according to a song called flagpole sitta, if i am's cuz i'm boring. well that may be so harvey danger, but i'm only boring cuz i'm broke ya judgemental fatty!!!

i need my own apartment...for lotsa reasons, but most recently because i crave movie night. many rentals, lotsa snackage, order pizza so i don't haveta clean, me and my boo under a cozy comforter on the couch...that so wont work...we wouldnt be able to keep our paws off each other past the previews. i think that's why couples go to the theater so much, it's the only way to guarentee you'll watch the movie. if i had friend who weren't flaketastic i'd have a big movie pajama party situation, but my friends suck balls...well thats a little unfair to say...some of my friends are girls and therefore must suck balls among other genetelia, i appologize. still need my own place tho.

i never seem to make enough tea. dammit. also, i want donuts! (yes you did need to know that smartass, if you didn't want to know what was going on in my head you wouldn't be reading this!)

i'm looking foreward to taking my bf to see the holiday lights at the bronx zoo. i havent mentioned it to him and hopefully he wont ruin the surprise...and upon writing this i realize i really focus most of my attention onto him. normally i'd say that's unhealthy but in this case i think it works out fine because it's fair, he makes it easy for me cuz he's so attentive to me, i actually want to do this, i don't need to. when you find yourself doing and planning for someone, not out of a need for recognition or an attempt to foster reciprocity, but out of genuine enjoyment of that person's company and a burning desire to make them smile i think it's a good and healthy thing to spend so much time and effort, because it's deserved.

and now i'm officially out of tea.
i'd make more but i'm out of honey...i DO NOT drink tea without honey.
betta reco'nize foo'!

and since you asked what i was wearing (yes you did, don't you argue with me) a black wwe shirt that had a cartoon of Lita (my former hero) on it and fluffy bunny ears....i wear them when i'm alone. (don't you judge me...i know all about you...yeah i bet you thought that was a secret but nope i know all about it judge judy so zip it! )

oh good lord i'm bored.

i rock.

sooooooooooo.... things are looking good.
i might have a job...soon
cross your fingers
i SAID cross 'em damnit! NOW!
thank you.
my friends suck. they only pay me attention when they need me. that's fine, there's enough of my ass for all of them to kiss.
mtv has been neglectful...i have mixed feelings about that.
i'm a rusty bellydancer. i need to get my shimmy on hardcore.
all is seemingly well with my beloved
i realized that i get more frustrated with his actions (which are largely more naive than malicious) when i miss him, sounds retarded i know, but i'm better equiped to deal with anger than sadness...of course upon realizing this i pushed my pride aside and just let myself feel it...i cried...what can i say? i got used to having him around all the time, then poof! gone for a week? i was breaking down by the 6th day. no good. i don't get like this!!! and all these feelings i'm not used to are making me terribly unsure of myself. but aside from my emotional retardation i'm extremely happy!!!! :.)
all in all, all is well.
yay me.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


i am currently bedeviled by a severe lack of funds...
i feel like a fucking loser!!!!
i get no responses from and jobs, i'm broke broke broke, and really have nothing interesting going on. this sucks!!!! i think i'm annoying my boyfreind with my sudden and uncharacteristic neediness and insecurity but i can't help it, i feel so useless. i'm trying so hard to be positive... i don't want to be a downer or a burden but this shit really sucks right now.

Friday, October 24, 2008

you all suck

all you bastards who were like "tell him" you all fucked me over royaly.
how the fuck does telling him make sense anyway???
now i'm out in the open looking all sorts of crazy.
and he doesn't feel the same.
this really hurts.
i mean he was a sweet as anyone can possibly be about this sort of thing, but it's weird now. i feel like a float in the pity parade. as wonderful as he is how am i supposed to know if he's being nice cuz he cares about me or just cuz it's the right thing to do? now i can never be sure. i fucked myself!
and fucking mtv is all in my shit....they got all this footage of me admitting my feelings, i can't let that shit air...i don't want this anymore!!!
and what am i supposed to do when the one who always makes me feel better is the one i'm all fucked up over? it's not fair for me to put this on him but i need him right now...
you should have seen his face when i said it.
it's his fault though, i didn't want to tell him but he was so upset with me for days over telling him what's on my mind i kept trying to explain that it was nothing to worry about but he wouldn't drop it, then we're alone in a car and he turns off the music and he looked to upset with me, what was i supposed to do?!!!
i think i just doomed my relationship.
and i can tell myself that isn't true, that whatever is meant to be will be no matter how bad i fuck up, but i fucked up pretty bad.
i don't want to see him at work.
or for a few days.
i knew he wasn't if the naked pictures of that bitch on his phone weren't enough of a red flag. i still don't think he let her go. god i wish she'd disappear!! to think I have to threatened by that pathetic excuse for a woman. she's disgusting!!!!
i'm such an idiot.
i feel so stupid.
i can't believe i just threw it all away.
(jeez why didn't i just go with my first plan and say when i was drunk??!)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i love you

the words are absurd!!! the phrase is so understated!!! i love you, yeah i do...but it just sounds so corny, such a waste of english!!! i more than "love" you...and if i could just figure out how to say it i would! and i know you're mad at me now cuz i'm being so weird but it's killing me that i can't tell you. i so afraid.
i love you too much to tell you i love you...does that make any sense?
i'm losing my mind!!!!!!!!!

i love you Luis

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"reality" show

this is getting extreme.
i don't know if i want my relationship or my feelings exposed like this. but it's very much a super-chicken situation. (go here: to find out what i'm talking about) and now i'm feeling more pressure to tell him what i feel cuz god forbid this shit airs befor i tell him!!! i don't know how they'll edit my words...and how retarded is it for him to see that i love him on tv instead of hearing it from my big fat mouth!
jesus christ! this was supposed to be a springboard for my bellydancing not a total exploitation of my relationship!!! he trying to say it???
he took me aside to tell me he really liked me. really liked me. ummmm....i reeeeeally thought i was gonna hear more than that. i want to say i love you already!!! this is making me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck it i don't want to wait anymore!!!!!!!
and of course of course of course my ex-boyfriend has to call me at 4am talking about "i just want to say goodbye" you know what, i'm sick and tired of being nice to him, i tried to make it an amicable break up. tried my damndest to spare his feelings despite the fact that he NEVER once considered mine. i tried to make it easy for his stupid ass but he wants me to hurt him. he wants me to be the bad guy. but i'm not like him. i won't ever perpetuate negitivity in any form. i was instead totally indiferent, if that doesn't do it i'm on to the restraining order. which i might do anyway honestly. god i just want to be done with that part of my life.
i want to grab my man, tell him i love him, and move on up to the next plateu of this happiness i'm experiencing.
i'm terrified of making the wrong move but, if i don't tell him something soon this could all go up in flames anyway.
i don't want to rush but is it even rushing if i'm dying to say it? i feel it, that's not changing, it's real, really real. i don't even need him to say it or feel it at this point i just can't hold it in anymore. i mean duh i want him to love me back but if he didn't, doesn't, or never will it wouldn't make a difference....i love him. that's it. game over man. i surrender!!!
but i'm still scared of losing him.
i don't want to fuck this up.


You Are an American Bulldog
You are a very imposing, powerful creature... but deep down, you're generally good natured.
You are incredibly energetic, and you like to blow off steam with sports and horsing around.

You are naturally courageous. You would run into a burning building to save someone you loved.
You intimidate people without trying to. Some people assume the worst of you when they first meet you.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

OMG part 3

i was filmed today.
i will be filmed tomorrow.
and possibly monday.
and the guy that's filming me is so cool it's like a bonus just being able to hang out with him. this is so much fun!!! i hope all goes well tomorrow, i got no practice time in today whatsoever. oh lord. can't wait.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

OMG part 2

sooooo MTV guy called me again today.
i have to call tomorrow to confirm when he can film me.
finally my awesomeness is recognized.

niether my bf or my familia seem particularly thrilled but this is a huge opportunity for me if i play my cards right. i'll make it up to them.

Friday, October 17, 2008

quick observation

um, how obsessed am i?
my facebook pic, he's in it
my myspace pic, he's in it
and my blog pic, the comic book representation of he and i....
jeebus woman! get a hold of yourself!!!

mental bulimia

prepare yourself for the random purging of my thoughts. a little brain vomiting always helps me get by...
okay so i finally selected my music for my show on sunday...two days about last minute and i barely also beging the lady in charge to let me use my new cane...if she says no i'm flying solo with just my viel and my goddamned zills that i suck at...but strangely i'm niether nervous or confidant, just feeling kamikaze balls to wall about it...of coure that's usually how i end up doing things, i never take action til i'm at that "fuck it" stage...
i some how managed to hurt his feelings last night....nothing major i don't think...makes me feel horrible tho, i don't ever want to make him anthing but happy, but seriously if someone you like (in this case love madly... truely deeply oh yeah savage garden status bitchez! lol) finds your book filled with their name with little hearts around it you'd be embarrassed too! he's upset i said i was embarrassed...well i hate that i upset him but on the other hand the twisted little psychologist in me is quite pleased...i mean he's gotta care a whole lot to be bothered by that...a mutual friend of ours said he'll be saying the L-word soon...i think she's wrong but whatever...i sure as hell aint saying it. i REFUSE to be first!!!! blonde? i was workin it yesterday. i rocked it yo. hmmmm....
i'm very worried about my little sister. very worried. she's at a scary age and i just hope the family curse doesn't live on...course that's another year away but...
i'm almost 23...and i still live with my mother. i feel like such a failure sometimes. i should've had a degree by now... i should've had an apartment...i'm lacking in both departments. something's gotta give.
i know i've mentioned it before, but, i love that boy. i love him i love him i love him!!! i'm so fucking happy!
also...i dont want to go to again... i need to get on that certification idea. have a real job. i'm so done with waitressing.
and i should probably call my best friend and make nice with him...but i can't help's not that i intend to hold a grudge but i was really hurt by how shit went down and i still feel very bitter about it all.
why am i looking forward to my birthday? probably just cuz my favorite's bday was yesterday so now i'm jealous ;.) i want my own!!!
there's a really big hole in my work pants. and i don't give a flying rats ass. fuck iiiiit!
i'm done now.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

hatin on mah pimp cane

my wednsday night dance teacher hates my guts. i have concluded this because it seems she constatly tries to discourage me. well fuck her ass. if i ask her a question in class she acts as if i'm a nunsance and when i ask her opinion on something she's always negative. i can't even pay the bitch a compliment without her shooting me down... i assume it is my flyness that vexes her so. for i am indeed quite fly.
i got a new prop. i bought the cane, a green and silver one. i'm pretty damn good with it. i can balence it on my head and everything. she says i can't use it. she can blow it out her ass.
i mean i did crack myself in the face with it once when i was practicing but i've been good ever since... bleeding lip aside i'd say i'm a success story here.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


i'm so not ready for my show on sunday. i work well under pressure though. i think i'm gonna try a cane dance. and to think someone told me i wasn't ambitious...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


i might be on MTV.
more on this later.

please god no more tacky men's suits!!!

i just spent all day shopping for my hunny's costume. it was torture. i was in pinstriped hell. nothing purple, but god help me they had every other color known to man!!! oh there was one purple suit, barney purple and you, me, him...and the entire ny giants defensive lineup could fit in it!! bleh. i shall try not to consider this day a failure despite accomplishing nothing.


enough of this lovey dovey shit, i'm grossing myself out. honestly Harl, where'd your balls go? you know i was talking to a co-worker last night about this, told him i was afraid i was going soft, he laughed and said i was never hard in the first place! how rude!!! i am sooooo hard. i'm tough as nails baby!!! grrrr. never question my badassness. or my badassity. or is it badassitude? whatever it is i gots it!!! >:.P

the devil take this contemptable epidermis

i have a freaking hive on my arm. i can only imagine it is a result of the impromptu sobbing over dinner the other night. embarrassment does tend to hive me up. otherwise my situation is stable. i've seen and heard some good things, comforting things, but i'm still basicly terrified. what's scary is not the idea of him not feeling the same, one doesn't love to be loved as it should not be a choice they can make, also; unrequited love makes for some damn good poetry; what's scaring me...scaring me how i'm feeling. i can honestly say i've never felt this way before. i mean i've said that i loved some one but to actually feel it is different entirely. i realize what i felt before was just familiarity. i called it love cuz i didn't know what else to call just seemed like it should be so. and i wanted to be in love. i tried my best...but it never felt right. there was always something missing and i began to believe that was all there was to it. no whirlwind romance like you see in the movies. needless to say i'm a thoroughly cynical woman. it's similar to my first experience with sex. i remember laying there thinking "so this is what all the fuss is about? eh. i can do without it" (imagine!). in this case though, i really really DIDN'T want to fall...i didn't want anything serious, and i never thought it would last even a month or even past that first night! now look at me!! and that's how i know it's real, cuz being in love was the absolute last thing i wanted to do. i can't control it. i didn't decide it. and that's what scares me. it's not an act this time. this is real. too real. toooo too real.
i want to be with him all the time. i miss him as soon as he leaves. i can think of not a single moment he's not on my mind. i even dream about him for christ's sakes!! i'm in too deep!!! me no likey!!!! meeeee noooooo liiikeeeeeeey!!!!!
i was asked a really good question about all this, in an attempt to test the validity of my feelings. if everyone in your life that you were ever comfortable with, friends and family, were gone would you be okay with only him?
that is quite a question.
i won't share my answer. but perhaps it's a good question to ask yourself.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

some more on this baked potato business

so what if i'm a baked potato?! have you ever had one? they're delicious!!! screw you!!!

there's worse foods i can be...can't think of any right now....but so help me when i do you will hear it!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

i should be on the phone now, being a girlfriend.

so, as promised...this is why i'm a moron:
i'm being a little pussy bitch about all this...
i'm sitting here writing a blog instead of reaching deep down in front and locating my testicles (figaritvely of course) and calling my beloved and letting him know what's what. i'm talking to everyone but him...if he were doing this to me...i'd call him a moron, thus: I AM A MORON.

i've gone real soft man, Reeeeeeeal soft.

baked potato indeed.

hopefully there's still time to repair the damage of 5 days of pussitude.

dammit some more

i'm a moron...

more on this later.


i'm desperately trying to convince myself i haven't fallen ..., or that i'm even in the process of falling. my survival instinct is begging me to say it aint so. but i am sure my behavior will betray me everytime. it already has.

Hey You

i'm SORRY! i hate it when i tell you something i'm unhappy with, despite it being a neccessary part of the growing process in a relationship, cuz you get all sad everytime. i wonder if i'm not praising you enough. is that why you look at every little snafu as a failure?
well listen here ya big genius, YOU'RE WONDERFUL!!!! you just gotta learn some things (okay, lots of things) but you really are quite wonderful otherwise. please forgive me if i haven't made that clear enough.

Friday, October 10, 2008

okay about this potato business

A baked potato, also known as a jacket potato, is the edible result of baking a potato. When well cooked a baked potato has a fluffy interior, but a crispy skin

i got that from wikipedia...yes i researched this.

i was told im acting like a baked potato.

i am fluffy? is that what this is about?! or is it my crispy outter shell that tis to blame?!

or is it that i'm allowing my warm fluffy softness burst forth from my otherwise hard and crispy shell?!!!! that would be a problem wouldn't it?

News Flash!

I'm a baked potato. details on this later.

hey you

if i'm hyper-aware and hyper-sensitve, try to understand; it's because i actually care.

i'm not used to doing that.

i'm not used to being happy either...i expect emotional armaggedon any day now.

if it's good enough for myspace...

i might as well post it here...
well just the important part, the question of the year:
{with reguard to allowing oneself to "fall"}
is it so bad that i just want to make sure he'll be down there already, waiting to catch me?
everyone i ask is telling me to do i know they're not homicidal maniacs?!
assisted suicide is still a murder case!!!

does it mean something that i'm so scared? is it a bad thing? doesn't it just mean that i revere him with such importance that i dare not take the risk?
...or am i just a chicken shit?

it shouldn't be up to me. it isn't fair. i'm the girl for crying out loud!!!
as far as i'm concerned i'm meeting him halfway... if he can't figure out how i feel from the way i've treated him thus far no amount of words will get through to him, it wouldn't be worth it.
you have to admit; i have a point there.
i want to be caught dammit.

BEHOLD: the inaugural blog

this was not my idea...i stole it...i am a commiter of intellectual piracy. i saw someone else's blogspot page and thought "hey cool, i want one of those" and thus i type this, a copy cat... MEOW.
i'm just so over the myspace blogs. i can't be as honest anymore. i yearn for the freedom of confession, i want to be cleansed.
of course i don't totally trust this outlet just yet...we shall see.
there's so much to say
i'm left speachless