Monday, March 16, 2009

isn't she lovely?

she's important enough to risk losing me...
she's friends now with the friend i trusted (that's you you sconde, you're friends with her on facebook now...ouch)
it might be time for me to leave.

don't they make a cute couple?

i'm too furious to cry...i'm already in transition.

Friday, March 13, 2009

if i'm gonna be alone...perhaps i should be alone.

i'm not your priority.
commenting on your friends profiles, flattering jessalyn (as if she needs it), these are your priorites. i opened up to you, told you i'm in pain, TOLD YOU I NEED YOU, and you only throw me a text at your leisure, like scraps to a dog.
if you were hurting i wouldn't hesitate to be there, and if i couldn't be by your side i'd agonize over what i could do to make you smile, i wouldn't leave you alone EVER. i've been crying for days ALONE. where are when i need you? Your friend is far more sensitive than you but i can't even talk to him because you won't allow it...i can't be included in your circle...why? why are you with me???? why bother?! if you really loved me i wouldn't have to be in pain alone. i wouldn't feel like this. i'm a fool for openning up to you. i never let anyone in and i thought i was safe with you. you won't understand how much you've hurt me no matter what i say.

it's sad that i love you so much.
it's obvious i mean very little to you.
you used to say i was your'd miss me the second you left me...
did that change? or was it never true?

i shouldn't be crying alone. i am sick and tired of being alone!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


you are growing ever distant my dear...

i'm sorry i annoy you so much. (i don't really mean that of course)

i thought i'd feel BETTER after talking to you...what a surprise.

what changed?

i gotta hope this is true

talking to no one, as usual...nobody's listening.

i'm sick of getting shitted on.
Mister "um um um"... according to laguardia airports website flight tracker your "delay" was about 5 minutes. the talking to your mom excuse is real real old. a text to tell me you're home and okay was all i wanted, you didn't have to talk to me if you didn't want to.
and of course your new friends are girls...of course.

sometimes i wonder why you keep me around.

i know you'll be mad at me for ignoring your calls... but i already know you won't say anything i want to hear. you didn't miss me. my callous cassanova. you treat me like a toy, when i'm not fun you don't bother with me. and you're a collector, you like pretty new toys to play with.

i don't know what to do because i don't want to fight but i don't like eating your shit either.

i'm not bitter, just anxious...i knew the day i gave you my heart that you would break it, the only question is when...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Alone Alone Alone Alone ALONE
i feel ALONE
invisible and alone.
and sad...
and alone!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

ponderings of a frustrated woman

...i'm not happy.
i should be, but no dice.
and i hate how i'm behaving but i can't seem to help it...i always pull back. pulling back til i'm out of reach and out of touch. gone gone gone. i want to fix it but there's a huge block in the way. i just don't want to feel like i'm doing everything by myself. it isn't fair...but then much can i possible expect? but then again again, shouldn't i get what i want? i sure as hell deserve it. but then again again again...i've already gotten much more than i ever thought i would, for which i'm eternaly greatful. i'm wrong to assume values upon's best to only consider the things that are most clear. especially when i'm not always so clear.
and as for the frustations most would think i'm refering to; it's not the sex i want...that's what the good lord (or maybe the devil, i dunno, the jury's still out on that one) invented masterbation for... i crave the itimacy. our intimate momments are few and far between. Hint: watching sportscenter together: not intimate...fuck A Rod and his fucking hip.

in truth...i am happy, overall. no worries there. the present circumstance is sucking big moose cock though. i'm trying real hard not to take it out on anyone... trying being the opperative word here.