where's the beef?

i'm paranoidaly overanylizing....stop me please.

so this is christmas?

i'm at work, mostly sleeping...and doing quizes, alone in silence. ho ho ho.

You Are Scissors

Sharp and brilliant, you can solve almost any problem with that big brain of yours. People fear your cutting comments - and your wit is famous for being both funny and cruel. Deep down, you tend to be in the middle of an emotional storm. Your own complexity disturbs you. You are too smart for your own good. Slow down a little - or you're likely to hurt yourself. You can cut a paper person down to pieces. The only person who can ruin you is a rock person. When you fight: You find your enemy's weak point and exploit it. If someone makes you mad: You'll do everything you can to destroy their life

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

Your Cute Monster Says Your Inner Demon is Sorrow

You're the type of person who stands out in a crowd, even when you're trying to blend in. You are honest in your character and appearance. You don't pretend to be someone else. You tend to get depressed easily. People think you're cute because you're rebellious. Your uniqueness is charming.

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant-Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

Your Cupcake Says You Are Your Own Biggest Fan

At parties, you tend to be hyper and a bit out of control. It's hard for you to temper your enthusiasm! You have a fair amount of restraint in your life, but you don't go overboard. You let yourself enjoy life. The most important thing in your life is love. You are dominant, vain, and a bit of a show off. To know you is to worship you.

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

You Are Hesitant in Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

You Are the Guru

You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate. You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped. You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you. You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone. You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem. Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.

peanut butter jelly time

You Are a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

You life your life in a free form, artistic style. You are incredibly creative and at times, quite messy. Deep down, you are a kid at heart. And you aren't afraid to express it. Your best friend: The Grilled Cheese Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Club Sandwich

random, the way you like it

bored at work, but glad i'm here.
there are few things in life sweeter than a fresh razor to the skin. which part? i aint telling, but it's so nice to have it baby's ass smooth!
cosmo can't tell me shit, their man-manual-malarky does not apply here...i got it covered. aint shit them bitches know that i don't. word.
my nails are so long and pretty, hate on them, go head, you know you want to.
speaking of haters, i gotta burn down mustang grill. i'm so sick of that place. fucking whoretopia.
my throat hurts...physicly and emotionally. i don't care to explain that to you, you'll just have to accept it.
wisdom teeth should be renamed paincausing devil molar. i don't need them! i'm as wise as i'll ever want to be, thanks!!!
why is it that when guys like me they turn into girls? why can't anyone court me like a man? i mean, it doesn't matter cuz i'm completely unavailable and disinterested but still, why do they all turn into giggling morons around me?? what the fuck am i doing to them?? thank god i got a man. oh, and lesbians; so persistant; why??? me likey penis okay!!! jeez louise!!!
people who bathe in their colonge/perfume and force me to choke on their stink when they're around should all be sentanced to death by drowning...in their own crappy smell.
models gross me out more than smokers do.
white girls are a plague upon mankind. down with whitey.
i'm fucking hungry right now.
i have the most awesome boyfriend in the universe. yes, the whole universe, go check.
i'm somewhat more impressed by ingestable gold than the decorative sort.
in a perfect world, i'd be naked all the time, and all i'd do all day is eat, drink, and fuck.
i want a shirt that says "no." just "no." no decoration or clever bullshit to distract you from the statement. just "no" not in caps, not italic, no special font, or punctuation...just "no."
i've been desperately in the mood for something in particular for a month now, my bf knows what it is and is the only one who can give it to me and in being deprived of it for so long i fear i may just resort to the commitance of violent sexual assult (upon him of course) and honestly, now that i really think about it, that may have been his plan all the long... that wiley little fox!
is it spring yet?
this is bad, you see boredem makes me one or both of two things: hungry or horny... i was both of those things already. i'm reaching critical mass. danger. danger. sound the alarm.
got milk? well do ya?

truth

i wasn't sure at one point.

i asked someone who knew, who was...

this was before i said it, when i was wondering if i should.

i knew i was, in my heart i knew but i'm a cerebrally governed individual, i needed logical confirmation.

so i asked someone who knew, who was...

he said to imagine everyone in your life was gone.

everyone who you are comfortable with, friends, family, co-workers...

gone.

and you had no one else but this person...

would you be okay?

would they be enough?

could you be happy with just that person?

could you be happy and fulfilled and comfortable and okay with just that one person and no one else?

quietly, to myself, i said yes then; tenatively and somewhat unsure.

it's a lot to trust unto just one person.

i couldn't imagine trusting myself totally to anyone.

but it sounded about right.

his potential shined through to me.

i could almost see it then.

but i couldn't say it out loud.

the fear of depending on someone was too strong in me.

today i realized, now that i feel my mother and i growing apart...

my sister growing up...

my friends ever distant

i found tonight how quickly it stops to matter when i'm with him

acid rain could fall around me

the world could melt and die

all and everythign gone to hell

and it wouldn't matter

i wouldn't care

as long as i'm with him

i'm okay

he's more than enough

and i'm happy!

so it's true then...

i mean i knew

but now...

no question

absolution

confirmation

truth

true

love

mad love

if ever a girl was on cloud nine it's me.
lots of shit in my life still need working out but it's crazy the way being loved, really loved, makes up for it all. scary too cuz sometimes i fear becoming comfortable...dependant... and yes the concept of being able to depend on someone is strange and frightening to me... it's so weird to have someone who isn't going to abandon me at the drop of a dime. who patiently works thru my difficult moods, who listens, who actually gives a shit how i feel, who's supportive, who comprimises with me... really? there are men like this? i had no idea.
i remember being 14, writing in my journal that happiness is a lie. at 16 i was conviced the world was a sess-pool of shit; filled with selfish evil people. a sick sad world...by 19 i stopped giving a shit, i was too drunk to care... i would have never guessed i could feel like this. so genuinely happy and fulfilled. it's beautiful...and terrifying. i don't know what i would do if i lost him. i love him so fucking much.
if you're wondering, this isn't an out of nowhere kinda thought. i've been agonizing about his b-day plans (pretty much gave up on x-mas...got him something nice, i'll get him some other cute little mets things, but beyond that i'm saving for his b-day) i was just on the phone with a hotel agency to book the perfect room i can't afford... the idea of ending the day with him by my side seems like heaven to me. ((i'm so in love))
he means the whole world, sun, moon and stars to me.
dare i say he's the best thing to ever happen to me? mmm hmmm.

bulimia of the brain, enjoy the the thought-vomit

i fucking hate foriegners
also, why do people insist on asking me a hundred questions as if i don't have a million other phone calls to take ? if i tell you the information's in the email, you read that fucking email goddamn you!!!
and Eli Manning, watch your ass, i'm gettin that jersey if i have to jump you for it...sleep with one eye open mister quarter back man...have nightmares about a tiny puerto rican girl hogtieing you and dragging you into a dark secluded area, stealing your clothes and forcing you at knife point(as per the tradition of my people) to sign countness giants memrobilia to "Luis"(...and a couple to "Santiago" why the fuck not) shudder at the thought of me Manning, quiver at the very utterance of my name...for if i cannot buy the jersey off NFL.com, so help me god i will take it by force!!!!
i don't know what else to buy my boyfriend...and that makes me feel like a crap girlfriend. i should know what my man likes. boo to me. boo.
i'm still on the fence on buying my mother anything cuz she's a fucking bitchmonster from the plant nag...i might still try to get her the earrings simply because im not a heartless cunt...but i aint puttin too much effort into her gift. my bf and my sis are my only real holiday concerns.
i want this mtv thing to be over already, i've even stopped caring how it will come out...it's all bullshit, they fucking tell you what to say!!! and it all gets edited and changed around...bleh. boo to mtv as well. boo boo boo.
i hate working for hourly pay...it's easier than the hussle of waiting and bartending but i'm so dependant on nightly cash in hand that waiting on a payday just doesn't work for me anymore and schedule changes are like murder to me!!! ug!
i'm fucking hungry...grumble