Saturday, December 13, 2008

mad love

if ever a girl was on cloud nine it's me.
lots of shit in my life still need working out but it's crazy the way being loved, really loved, makes up for it all. scary too cuz sometimes i fear becoming comfortable...dependant... and yes the concept of being able to depend on someone is strange and frightening to me... it's so weird to have someone who isn't going to abandon me at the drop of a dime. who patiently works thru my difficult moods, who listens, who actually gives a shit how i feel, who's supportive, who comprimises with me... really? there are men like this? i had no idea.
i remember being 14, writing in my journal that happiness is a lie. at 16 i was conviced the world was a sess-pool of shit; filled with selfish evil people. a sick sad 19 i stopped giving a shit, i was too drunk to care... i would have never guessed i could feel like this. so genuinely happy and fulfilled. it's beautiful...and terrifying. i don't know what i would do if i lost him. i love him so fucking much.
if you're wondering, this isn't an out of nowhere kinda thought. i've been agonizing about his b-day plans (pretty much gave up on him something nice, i'll get him some other cute little mets things, but beyond that i'm saving for his b-day) i was just on the phone with a hotel agency to book the perfect room i can't afford... the idea of ending the day with him by my side seems like heaven to me. ((i'm so in love))
he means the whole world, sun, moon and stars to me.
dare i say he's the best thing to ever happen to me? mmm hmmm.

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