...i'm not happy.
i should be, but no dice.
and i hate how i'm behaving but i can't seem to help it...i always pull back. pulling back til i'm out of reach and out of touch. gone gone gone. i want to fix it but there's a huge block in the way. i just don't want to feel like i'm doing everything by myself. it isn't fair...but then again...how much can i possible expect? but then again again, shouldn't i get what i want? i sure as hell deserve it. but then again again again...i've already gotten much more than i ever thought i would, for which i'm eternaly greatful. i'm wrong to assume values upon actions...it's best to only consider the things that are most clear. especially when i'm not always so clear.
and as for the frustations most would think i'm refering to; it's not the sex i want...that's what the good lord (or maybe the devil, i dunno, the jury's still out on that one) invented masterbation for... i crave the itimacy. our intimate momments are few and far between. Hint: watching sportscenter together: not intimate...fuck A Rod and his fucking hip.
in truth...i am happy, overall. no worries there. the present circumstance is sucking big moose cock though. i'm trying real hard not to take it out on anyone... trying being the opperative word here.