Friday, October 24, 2008

you all suck

all you bastards who were like "tell him" you all fucked me over royaly.
how the fuck does telling him make sense anyway???
now i'm out in the open looking all sorts of crazy.
and he doesn't feel the same.
this really hurts.
i mean he was a sweet as anyone can possibly be about this sort of thing, but it's weird now. i feel like a float in the pity parade. as wonderful as he is how am i supposed to know if he's being nice cuz he cares about me or just cuz it's the right thing to do? now i can never be sure. i fucked myself!
and fucking mtv is all in my shit....they got all this footage of me admitting my feelings, i can't let that shit air...i don't want this anymore!!!
and what am i supposed to do when the one who always makes me feel better is the one i'm all fucked up over? it's not fair for me to put this on him but i need him right now...
you should have seen his face when i said it.
it's his fault though, i didn't want to tell him but he was so upset with me for days over telling him what's on my mind i kept trying to explain that it was nothing to worry about but he wouldn't drop it, then we're alone in a car and he turns off the music and he looked to upset with me, what was i supposed to do?!!!
i think i just doomed my relationship.
and i can tell myself that isn't true, that whatever is meant to be will be no matter how bad i fuck up, but i fucked up pretty bad.
i don't want to see him at work.
or for a few days.
i knew he wasn't if the naked pictures of that bitch on his phone weren't enough of a red flag. i still don't think he let her go. god i wish she'd disappear!! to think I have to threatened by that pathetic excuse for a woman. she's disgusting!!!!
i'm such an idiot.
i feel so stupid.
i can't believe i just threw it all away.
(jeez why didn't i just go with my first plan and say when i was drunk??!)

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