i gotta hope this is true

talking to no one, as usual...nobody's listening.

i'm sick of getting shitted on.
Mister "um um um"... according to laguardia airports website flight tracker your "delay" was about 5 minutes. the talking to your mom excuse is real real old. a text to tell me you're home and okay was all i wanted, you didn't have to talk to me if you didn't want to.
and of course your new friends are girls...of course.

sometimes i wonder why you keep me around.

i know you'll be mad at me for ignoring your calls... but i already know you won't say anything i want to hear. you didn't miss me. my callous cassanova. you treat me like a toy, when i'm not fun you don't bother with me. and you're a collector, you like pretty new toys to play with.


i don't know what to do because i don't want to fight but i don't like eating your shit either.





i'm not bitter, just anxious...i knew the day i gave you my heart that you would break it, the only question is when...

:.(

Alone Alone Alone Alone ALONE
i feel ALONE
aloooooooooooooooooooone.
invisible and alone.
and sad...
and alone!

ponderings of a frustrated woman

...i'm not happy.
i should be, but no dice.
and i hate how i'm behaving but i can't seem to help it...i always pull back. pulling back til i'm out of reach and out of touch. gone gone gone. i want to fix it but there's a huge block in the way. i just don't want to feel like i'm doing everything by myself. it isn't fair...but then again...how much can i possible expect? but then again again, shouldn't i get what i want? i sure as hell deserve it. but then again again again...i've already gotten much more than i ever thought i would, for which i'm eternaly greatful. i'm wrong to assume values upon actions...it's best to only consider the things that are most clear. especially when i'm not always so clear.
*growl*
and as for the frustations most would think i'm refering to; it's not the sex i want...that's what the good lord (or maybe the devil, i dunno, the jury's still out on that one) invented masterbation for... i crave the itimacy. our intimate momments are few and far between. Hint: watching sportscenter together: not intimate...fuck A Rod and his fucking hip.

in truth...i am happy, overall. no worries there. the present circumstance is sucking big moose cock though. i'm trying real hard not to take it out on anyone... trying being the opperative word here.

Where I'm At:

More on this later....



Lyrics:
Did I park my car?
If I found it I would drive so far from here
The city streets are dim
And my hands are tempted once again
To give in...

I'm having trouble seeing
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle if you'd oblige

I will survive
On this island i am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?

On the road my thumb is out
I'm hitchin home tonight I am without a name
Where was it that I lived?
Well nevermind just take me with you
And forget...

The lack of information
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle if you'd oblige

I will survive
On a silent I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?

I will survive
Tonight I wander and I roam
Just lookin for a way back home tonight

The sun is coming up
I think I've had my fill
Wait, who the fuck are you?
Where did I park my car?
Please forgive my...

Lack of information
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a miracle, ohhh

I'm having trouble seeing
I'm punch drunk and
I need to find a way back home
It'd be a mircale if you'd oblige

I will survive
On this island I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?

I will survive
Tonight I wander and I roam
Just lookin for a way back home tonight

Spare me... a ride, a ride tonight
Spare me... a ride, a ride tonight
(On this island I am stuck
Could you correct my crooked luck tonight?)

LOVE THIS SONG

incubate

i'm listening to incubus and craving a more creative life. a way out from under all this hum drum nothing that has become the every thing. out out out i need out. the warm happy center of the universe is alive and living his own life...what's gonna happen when his path passes mine? mine is looping around and around in a maddening cycle...monotony monotony monotony!!! can my talents really free me of it all? how can i cultivate them in such opressing surroundings and times? could you show me dear some i've not seen something infinitely interesting? your biggest fear will be the rescue of you, strange how it turns out that way...yeah. i'm reminissing, missing, kissing. rain, city steps, pigeon park, going waaaay back...don't want that, but then i believed these would be the best days, i had no idea how hard it'd be. or how easy. can't plan, can't count on things to happen the way you think they will so what to you do? my dried roses, beseech me to continue...they'd like to see how it ends. i wish i still believed in dragons, witchcraft and marriage. my mirrors just taunt me about all i've wasted up til now. my mother is the blaring red warning sign...dead end dead end dead end dead. i have to escape, i'm my own captor, tell me to outrun me. dance dance dance dance spin free.